“I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger… but she ain’t messing wit no broke n*ggas.” -Kanye

On a scale of one to Eva Mendez what would you score this woman? That’s an average looking chick right? Strong 6? Would you believe this woman was able to be wifed by not one but TWO Jackson brothers? Not only that, she was also able to bear these brothers two sons… APIECE. Having a man’s child is serious business but birthing sons is like hitting the mushroom power up on Super Mario Bros. Am I saying her sex is awesome or her game is right up there with Kevin Federline? Nah, nope, no. What I’m saying is she knew her sexual positions and you should, too.

“18 years… 18 years… She got one of your kids got you for 18 years…” -Kanye

 Four kids, 18 years; you do the math. My dude Kanye said it best in “Gold Digger” … If you haven’t heard his wisdom then maybe you need to take a seat and listen. Until then, make sure you avoid the following positions that’ll have you weak in your pockets right along with your respect in these streets.

Missionary Position: Yep, I know its the choice position much of your more lazier(craftier)  hoes like to engage in. I’m pretty sure her hollering and what not when you climax ain’t from you hitting that sweet spot; especially if you raw doggin like a “real n*gga.” How do I know that? Vaginal canal opens up into the cervix better; its like lighting up the runway. Her hips are angled down and I’m sure you’re going balls deep. The deeper you go, the closer you are to the cervix and the more sperm that gets collected there. You’re practically aiding and abetting her criminal acts.  You know what the punishment for such a crime is? Life.

Spooning: Yessssss, the ‘can I hit it in the mawning’, position of choice. How many times have you rolled over and fell into the vagina which just happens to be ready and willing to serve you. Coincidence? I think not. Entering from the side positions sperm right where those whipper snappers have prime positioning to the cervix. Thats like driving up to Walmart in the dead heat and finding a park at the front entrance only to come back outside and theres scratches and dents on it. Nasty business… act accordingly.

Last and definitely not least is the Rear Entry: (Or Doggy Style to you “real n*ggas.”) A personal favorite to many fake freaky chicks, horny housewives, and diminutive d*cked dudes alike; its the most potent babymaker (in my humble opinion heh) than the other two. You’re more into porn star character hitting a chick from the back, you start dreaming she really that centerfold of your dreams if her ass spread well enough to obscure her face. Next thing you know, she throwing it back like she owe you something and you lose what little restraint you had. That cervix is gaping, angled down into a perfect position to catch all that baby batter. All those angling avi activities on twitter was not in vain, sir. You, sir, have just been fucked.

Aight, thats all I have on the subject for now. If I missed any let your fellow brethen know. Ladies, I know I’m referencing you all as the villian but its a cruel world outchea and some of you use what you got to get what you want. On the flip side, some of you dudes impregnate the chick you smashing on purpose just to keep her. I’ll save that conversation for another time. In the meantime, try not to end up like Jermaine. Deuces.

Butterfly